H&R Block Wants To Help In Your Hurricane Sandy Recovery Efforts.

Not wanting to come in second place to Hurricane Sandy in terms of financial ruination and victimization of the down-trodden, tax-hiccup H&R Block begins its two-pronged ritualized cozening of its clients with Emerald Advance AND their latest educational pamphlet, "[i]What You Can Do To Recover After A Hurricane, And How H&R Block Will Find A Way To Profit From It."[/i]

"Hurricane Sandy erased towns up and down the East Coast, victimized millions of residents, costing them billions of dollars," says William C. Cobb, President and CEO of H&R Block since Dick Breeden purchased the job for him in 2010. "And now the Government is throwing Sandy Recovery Money around left and right. We want to wet our beaks is all.."

This was parrotted by Block Chairman Robert A Gerard, whose job at Block is like being principal of a home school: "Look, if these people didn't want their shit destroyed by Sandy, they shoulda make their houses more absorbent."

As for Block's contribution to the Sandy relief effort, Cobb and Gerard read aloud from a press release prepared for them, Cobb managing to do so without asking for help pronouncing the big words.

"Dear Sandy Victims: S'up," said Cobb. "Lookit, If you need money for Christmas gifts, or to fix your homes so that you and your family don't die of exposure or hypothermia, visit one of our Emerald Advance offices."

"Indeed, friendly, knowledgable, and woefully-underpaid tax professionals are on hand to lend you your own money and greater-than-usury interest rates," continued Gerard. "And if they can't help you, please reach out to your office's District Manager, who usually can be found in one of the 68 offices in each district."

Block's stock can be tracked on NASDAQ under the ticker name FUKUP, and on Twitter via hash tag #bankrupt_by_May1st.

Andy Reid: The Emperor's New Big-And-Tall Men's Clothes.

He doesn't get it. He simply doesn't get it.

A friend wrote today, "This is why Andy Reid needs to be fired: First play of the game , with a banged up line and a rookie QB, and he calls for a throw out of the shotgun."

Indeed, that first play is a microcosm, but not of the shit play-calling we've come to expect. No, it's indicative of a larger issue: Andy Reid can not (or will not) view this team objectively. He's bought in to the bullshit he's been shoveling since Donovan McNabb christened his first huddle in a Super Bowl with vomit.

Reid, you DON'T take full responsibility for your team's failings. People who truly take responsibility endeavor to fix the problem. You don't.

Your team's game day performance indicates that you are NOT properly preparing the team in practice.

Your mid-course corrections (or lack thereof) indicates that you are not seeing the problems.

You draft for shit. You sign free agents wrong. You don't get contract issues handled in a way that prevents distraction. You don't scout teams well.

And I will never, ever understand why your consistency in being barely-mediocre is confused with success as a head coach.

All Comforters Are Defined By --And Judged Against--My Comforter. The Comforter.

I have The Comforter. It is not proper to refer to it as simply A comforter. The definite article "the" implies exactly what it must to convey the truth:

All comforters are defined by --and judged against-- my comforter. The Comforter.